Just yesterday I was asked if I wanted to go on an inexpensive trip to Ireland (that departed in less than 24 hours) and part of me immediately jumped at the situation, saying YES and not caring about the outcome. Not caring about the details. Not thinking about how it might affect my photo projects, or bank account for that matter. I did this before with a trip to San Diego, and everything was great! I knew that I was built for situations like this.
But then I did something I admittedly don’t do as often as I should.
I asked God to reveal what answer was the best. Which answer was more wise.
And over the next few hours of my day I didn’t FEEL like I should be going there. He was gently telling me the answer was no. I didn’t need to go on this trip. Because I felt like my reason for going there was to show other people that I am the person that says YES. That I am the person who welcomes the unknown and figures out life as she goes along. Which - I am! But why was I trying so hard to prove what I already knew to be true about myself?
Denying that chance to go to Ireland didn’t seem like a big deal, but honestly… it was a pivotal moment. I know I would’ve looked so fun, cool, and carefree running off to Ireland for New Years on a whim. And I do believe I am those things. It's not bad to think you're fun, cool, or carefree. But. Suddenly… I don’t feel the need to prove that to anyone anymore. I know who I am. But I don’t need to try so hard to let everyone else know too. And I can say I’m perfectly happy about that.
That is a truth I want to stand in for the new year. That I know who I am, and who I want to be, and I should spend less time letting other people know what that is, and more time just BEING that, and being open to becoming even more.
I want to leave you with my hopes for 2017, even though they’re just a handful. I’m leaving plenty of room for surprises.
HOPE: “The feeling that what is wanted can be had.”
I hope to get more tattoos created by my friends.
I hope to go places that I want to go, not so that other people can see that I went, but so that my heart and mind can grow to be even more beautiful because of it.
I hope to kiss someone that makes me wildly, stupidly, happy. And I hope to kiss him a lot.
I hope to fervently serve others
I hope my heart gets stretch marks from all the right kinds of loving
I hope this new year is a little (lot) less about me.
I hope to become more gentle, but never lose my spunk; to be undeniably dedicated to the cause of spreading Light into the world through the way I live my life.